Warning: This is a depressing post. Ye be warned.
I have noticed a terrible change in myself over the last few months. Over the last year really. I have become a cynical and bitter person. I used to be enthusiastic and humorous and while I still am sometimes, I almost make myself sick with worry about the future sometimes. I hate school but I don't know what I am going to do after I get out. There's JET but that won't be for sure until April. I'm going to go home and it will be the last two summers all over again of not being able to find a job and having to smile and say "Not yet." To EVER SINGLE PERSON who asks because everyone knows that I don't have work.
My lack of social skills is going to assure that I die alone. Recently in a class, a group of people contradicted what I said (it was about Catholicism so I didn't really care either way) and after class a really nice girl was telling me how unfair it was that people ganged up on me in there. I mean, she gave me a sorta half-hug and was offering a shoulder to cry on. Granted I was slightly amused at the fact that she thought that my core beliefs had just been attack, but the gesture was really one of the sweetest things a stranger has ever done for me.
What do I do? I stand there like a freaking idiot and say "Oh, ok thanks. Uhh...Well, I'll see you tomorrow."
DURRR HURRR HURRR. I swear, I am going to change this. I go catatonic sometimes in public fall into myself thinking about when someone greets me, I stand there like a deer in the headlights.
That's probably why I like Forumopolis so much. I can post at my own pace to questions, attacks, opinions, whatever. Unfortunately, this really doesn't help me in the real world.
Hold me someone :( | 
